Hey, Mark, listen bud, we need to talk. No, I don’t want the last of your Cheetos. Listen, do you remember – what? Yes, of course I’ve heard Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, would you just pay attention for a minute? Mark, do you remember when we had a bunch of people over to the apartment a few days ago and you were passing around Qui-Bong Jinn? Yeah man, it was hilarious that you kept saying “Use the force” every time you took a hit, but that’s not what I want to talk about. Listen, Mark, Stacey just texted me and she’s got bronchitis. Stacey from work. Yeah, Stacey. She’s got bronchitis, and I think Phil has it too. And, honestly, Mark, my throat is a bit scratchy. And. Here’s the thing man, I think it’s from the bong, Qui-Bong Jinn.
Think about it, Mark, when was the last time you cleaned that thing out? Okay, fine, him, when was the last time you cleaned him out? It’s been awhile, right? Look, I knew you were going to be resistant to this idea, but I’ve got five good reasons you need to clean your bong:
- It’ll get you stoned faster. Think about it, if you just keep hitting that nasty, clogged bowl, it’s just going to burn that nasty, clogged resin. You’re not going to be smoking the fresh bag of Blueberry Kush you just bought, instead you’re hitting god knows what from who knows when.
- The hit is going to be a lot smoother. Remember when you coughed for like ten minutes straight? The whole point of a bong is to smooth out the smoke, cool it down, and let you take a bigger hit without some unintended consequences.
- It’s going to taste better. There’s a reason we switched to top shelf a few months ago, those bags of 12th Man Down from Phat Panda are super tasty, but without cleaning out Qui-Bong, we’re just tasting that stale old gross crap clogged in the bowl.
- You’re going to conserve weed. Again, this is that clogging issue. Did you see how much smoke was coming out of the bowl instead of pulling through the bong? That’s super wasteful, a clean bowl is a useful bowl.
- We wouldn’t have goddamn bronchitis right now. I’m not sure how much you remember from biology, but bacteria love water, especially water that’s been sitting around for months. I don’t want to keep getting sick, so you’ve gotta do everyone a favor.
Mark, Qui-Bong Jinn is yours, and you can do whatever you want. But if you want to get the most bang for your buck for the legal marijuana you’re buying just down the street in Skyway, and you want to stay healthy and keep all of our friends healthy, you’ve got to clean that thing out.